How does one find Happiness? Where does one find Happiness? When will Happiness come to me? What do I need to do to be Happy? Why does Happiness elude me? Who will make me Happy?
These are the questions I have heard my friends asking, in different ways and in different formats – in person, on Facebook, by email.
The truth is, I don’t have any answers for them or for you.
But They do. And You do.
Up to 18 months ago, I was living a “normal” life, balancing work with family life, believing that all was well with my life. I thought to myself, “Life may not be as easy as I would like it to be, but maybe that’s my lot in Life, and I just need to accept it and fit in with Society, and everything will work out okay. That’s just the way it is”.
I certainly wasn’t happy at work. I was being constantly bullied by my manager. The whole management culture there was one of bullies cronying up with fellow bullies, and picking on those lower than themselves. It was toxic, so I left.
It took the discovery of my husband’s online infidelity and emotional adultery, to further shake my happiness. Having lost my source of income, and still trying to figure out what my real Life Purpose was, I now had to contend with an errant husband who, even after my discovery of his affair and subsequent confrontation, continued with his subterfuge for many, many months afterwards. To make things worse, the Other Woman was a mutual “friend” on Facebook, she was a married woman, and furthermore, she was old enough to be my husband’s mother!
So, I hear you ask, after all that had happened to me, how did I find Happiness again? How did I find the light at the end of the tunnel, and emerge into the light again?
Suffice to say there was a lot of soul-searching in the months that followed. I dipped my toes into the world of Spiritualism, met a lot of people on Facebook Groups, purchased books and divination cards, all in an effort to find meaning in chaos. Although this helped make me feel better about myself, it did not address the issue completely.
Until one day, I came across a copy of Eckhart Tolle’s book “A New Earth”, at my local thrift store. Although it wasn’t an easy read, I persevered and around a third of the way through, it was as if a light bulb went off inside my head.
I have not looked back since. Yes, sometimes events or something someone said can still bring out my baser, lower instincts, but I’ve learnt to recognise these signs and circumvent them. And when I have a “relapse”, I’ve learnt to acknowledge it for what it is, and move on past it.
For myself, the way to Happiness is to stay in the Present, and look for the good in everything, and to simply say “I’m Happy Now”. Your mind does not know that it’s just a thought, it actually believes it to be the truth. So, if I constantly remind myself, “I’m Happy and Healthy Now. I may not have all I want, but I have all I need. My Life is Good Now, and it can only get better and better”, then surely my body will respond accordingly.
Well, it’s worked for me. I refuse to worry needlessly about events that have not happened or may not even happen. That is not to say that I’m not aware of such possibilities and problems. I’m an Optimist, not an Idiot. I just choose not to get stressed about things, or try my damn best anyhow, because there really is no point in worrying. It just wears you down and lessens your Happiness, and it is totally unneccessary.
So, I’ve found that Happiness does not come looking for you where you are. Instead of waiting for your ship to come in, you need to swim out to it yourself. You need to take steps towards finding yourself, in your own way and in your own time.
One way to set yourself on the path to Happiness, is to put aside your Victim mentality, stop blaming others for your circumstances, stop being angry at yourself and at others, stop having a “Me against The Whole World” attitude. Instead, start saying positive affirmations to yourself, concentrate on what’s good in your life and keep celebrating it and adding to it. It might not seem consequential at first, but it will gather momentum and snowball, until pretty soon you will be able to find Happiness on a rainy day, getting drenched and splashed by puddles as you cycle. After all, Mother Nature is showering you with Her benevolent gift, so why not just enjoy it instead of fighting it?
If anyone insults you, bullies you or tries to bring you down to their level, shrug it off and don’t let it affect you on a personal level. When someone is nasty to you, it’s because their ego is feeling hurt and wants a scapegoat to blame. The ego doesn’t care if you had nothing to do with what had hurt it, it just wants someone to hurt so it can feel better about itself. And if you rise to the situation and defend yourself, or let it get to you, that is Your ego getting hurt…and in turn, you will take that hurt out on someone else, and so on and so forth. A Karmic cycle. And You can stop the cycle, by simply suppressing your ego’s need to win.
The Happiness that you’re looking for? It’s Here. And Now. You just need to change your thoughts.
I’ve used this old Cherokee Indian story before, and I’ll use it again. Because it is totally relevant to how you find Happiness in Your Life.