Syngenesophobia

Now, That’s not a word you come across very often, is it? What does it even mean?

Syngenesophobia, as defined by this site, is:

Syngenesophobia- Fear of relatives
Family gatherings are important part of our lives. We always have get-togethers and reunions where we gather or meet our relatives during reunions, weddings, or other family events and most of us look forward to it. But there are some people who fear meeting relatives and this is termed syngenesophobia.

This fear could be due to bad relationships with other family members or relatives and this usually is due to a previous quarrel over relationships, friendships, but most of the time over property. Another reason for this phobia is teenage rebellion wherein some teens would not like anything to do with their scrutinizing relatives that they will not go to these gatherings. Some might have had a traumatic experience in a previous family gathering such as having a hypercritical relative who made fun or humiliated you, or put you down by comparing you with more successful members of the family thus one would avoid this happening again.

People with this fear will do anything not to attend these get-togethers. They will make every excuse in the book not to attend and will even deny some of their relatives.

People with this phobia may benefit from counseling, which can be individual or group counseling so that previous misunderstandings or hurts may be addressed and one can get it over with.

Now, some of my relatives, or those claiming to be relatives but in truth are only technically so by marriage, would love to slap this label on me. Just so they can justify to their big egos why, unlike themselves, I make it a point to stay away from anything to do with them. Just so they can sleep easy at night knowing they’ve pigeonholed me neatly into a category they can understand.

News flash, folks. It’s not that I’m afraid of you or what you’ll say to me. It’s not that I’ve been criticized by you when I was much younger, and don’t want to go through that again. It’s not that there’s a family feud between us. It’s not that I don’t like being compared to your own children’s accomplishments. I’ve been through all the above, and I got over them a long time ago.

It’s not my problem that I’m an adult and grown up, and I’m able to respect and accept people for who they are and not what they do, but You can’t and/or won’t.

It’s none of my business either, if you choose the wrong side in an argument. If you know only one side of the story and choose to support that side, and then feel affronted when you hear the other side of the story, which you know in your heart is the Real Truth, but you’re too embarassed to admit you were backing the wrong horse, and too afraid to change your mind…that’s Your problem too, not mine.

Not my monkeys, not my circus. I am only responsible for what I say, not for your interpretation or understanding of it.

I can’t and won’t force you to be right. Your choice is Your choice, and if blood is not thicker than water, so be it. There are 2 types of family – those we are born into, and the family we choose when we’ve grown up. I know who belongs to which group.

I choose to stay away from some of my so-called relations not because I don’t like family gatherings. But because I have seen and experienced for myself just how critical some of my relations are of their fellow members because of certain unpopular decisions they may have made, or because of social status. Attending a family gathering with these relations would be like giving them cannon fodder. Wars are futile and a waste of time, energy and resources.

I know I am the black sheep of the family I was born into, as are a couple of my dear Aunts. And I know how we’ve been bullied and looked down upon because we dared stick our heads out over the parapet, and do things that are different from what everyone else is doing.

We’re DIFFERENT. We’re UNIQUE. And, especially in an Asian Society where folks are expected to all sing the same tune and march to the same drummer, we’re the harsh calls of the ravens and we play our own songs. The others simply cannot fathom why we don’t just follow the rules and play the same games they do.

It’s simple, really. I DON’T WANT TO. And why should I be a sheeple, just because everyone else is happy to be one? I respect my 2 Aunts, who have also chosen this solitary yet soul-liberating path, and I respect their life choices and their opinions and beliefs. These are the 2 relatives I love most dearly and keep in touch with the most, as they are the ones most neglected by my other relatives. Of course, I don’t mean ALL my other relatives, there are some who are kind and compassionate, who mind their own business and don’t poke their noses into other people’s affairs. They know who they are, just as those “other” types of relatives also know who they are.

I’m not syngenesophobic at all. I just don’t trust myself to not blurt out that the Emperor has no clothes, should I ever find myself in the company of these so-called twits relatives. I don’t want to stress myself out holding in the Truth, yes call me tactless if you like. I Will tell the Truth, I Will call it as I see it, I cannot stand two-facedness and people who feel superior because they have better jobs or higher social standing, or just because they’re older, or people who believe that Money is everything and that anyone who hasn’t got any is worth nothing. I cannot stand people who are hypocrites, those who side with others for brownie points, those who judge before they know the full story, those who pretend to be my friends yet I know are not.

Here’s a simple analogy: I’m not afraid of cockroaches. I just don’t like how they smell, their bristly legs that get tangled in your hair, their unpredictable flight patterns. I’d far prefer to leave them alone, and hope they leave me alone too. But if one does happen to land on me, it will take all my willpower to NOT scrape it off my head, or smack it with a newspaper, or squash it under my slipper. I don’t want to hurt it, but I really don’t trust myself to NOT hurt it.

It’s not relatives I’m afraid of. The truth is far simpler, and more brutal:

I just don’t need the hassle of having to deal with Assholes.

I found the quote below on Google Images, and it’s so, so sad but true. This goes also for people who are not relatives, but who pretend to give a fuck about someone else because they like to stir shit (pardon my language). And for people who I’ve written about, who don’t like hearing the truth about themselves. (Excuse my flowery language).
image

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