The breakdown of my marriage has taught me several things. Things that I’m grateful for, and that I actually thank my dearest darling (ex)husband for, because if he hadn’t decided to
taste the Forbidden Fruit become a Frequent Diner at the Bar of the Forbidden Fruit last year, and if I hadn’t discovered the true extent of his infidelity and lies, I would never have embarked on my own voyage of self-discovery. So yes, strange as it may seem, I’m grateful that what happened, happened.
So, while he indulges in wanton acts of debauchery, both virtual and in real life, I’ve turned inwards instead. While he looks for happiness in the pleasures of the flesh, I’ve found my own Happiness within. While he whispers sweet nothings to his many online girlfriends, I’m looking after my own Mind, Body and Spirit. While he posts up photos of himself with leggy exotic dancers wrapped around him like a boa constrictor, with their sinuous tongues writhing in his ear, and his similarly febrile-minded friends cheer him on without a care for discretion or morals, I’m busy studying so I can get a job doing what I love, and hopefully be financially independent of him in the not too distant future.
And while he has resumed online communications with the American Cougar that first started wrecking our marriage in 2012, I’m pleased to report that I too, have fallen in love. I’ve learnt to love Myself. And it’s a simply wonderful feeling to wake up each morning and feel happy just to be on my own, and throughout the day to appreciate my own uniqueness, creativity, compassion, etc and then in the evening to curl up on the couch with my own company, my dogs at my feet, a good book and a nice hot cup of tea before bedtime. Bliss!
So, it’s become very clear to me that my dear darling husband and I are heading in totally opposite directions. He to hedonistic hotspots in Hell. Me to pastures far greener than I’ve ever imagined. It is what it is. We make our own destinies.
I was in conversation with one of hubby’s ex-girlfriends, (yes, I’m That sort of wife who would not only strike up a friendship with her husband’s girlfriends, but also help them out of sticky situations he’s left them in. My life bears some similarities to the film “The Other Woman“, though of course I can’t compete with Cameron Diaz and her female co-stars in the looks department, and He for sure doesn’t look at all like Nicolaj Coster-Waldau, but more like a pill-shaped Minion. I’m referring to the idea that the Wife and Mistresses could become friends).
So, this particular Other Woman. She said to me, “If you know of any man looking for a wife, tell him about me, please. I need to find a man to make me happy”. You know, I had to laugh at the absurdity of it. First of all, I don’t make it a point to go looking for men or relationships anymore. Hubby finds that hard to believe, but that’s just because of where he is right now as a person, what he’s addicted to.
Secondly, even if I did know of a man looking for a wife, this Other Woman would not come highly recommended. Not at all. After all, hasn’t she already proven that being faithful is not one of her virtues? That she doesn’t believe in the sanctity of marriage, hands off married men, don’t even go there? Oh, the irony! No use saying you were only “Practising my English”, dahling.
Thirdly, (Heterosexual) Ladies, listen up. You Don’t Need A Man to be Happy. Happiness does not rely on finding Mr Perfect (who, by the way, is just a figment of your imagination). Happiness is right here, right now, in Yourself. Learn to love Yourself first, and everything else falls in line, as Lucille Ball once said. That yearning ache in your heart, that lonely feeling, that hole in your chest? That’s not going to be filled by a Man. That is actually your Soul telling yourself to look within and you will find the Happiness you were searching for.
Now, I say this to my fellow Sisters of the World, you who have spent countless hours, days and nights fretting about how to “tame” your man so he behaves himself and isn’t tempted to stray (again). Remember that if he wants to change, nothing can stop him. But if he doesn’t want to change, he will have a million excuses. And remember also that You CANNOT change a man, only he can change himself. And that it takes a Great Man to accept that he’s flawed/made a big mistake and needs to change. Minions need not apply.