Monthly Archives: September 2016

Sewing Jokes

Here are some of my favourite funnies about the art and craft of sewing. I was trawling through Pinterest, and decided to look at what jokes or funny quotes I could find on the subject of sewing. 

That’s me, alright! I’m a Fabricologist. 😆

And this really is me, the resemblance is uncanny 😄😄😄!

I Craft, Therefore I Hoard

A few days ago as I was looking for fabric in a local thrift store I came across a large Peter Rabbit child’s canvas toy box for sale. It looked cute and was only $4. So I bought it. I intended to use it to stash my collection of fabrics that I’d somehow amassed over the last 3 months. Most of these fabrics are large remnants that I’d found for just $1 each. But there are others that are duvet covers in floral and geometric designs, or plain cotton linen blends, that I’d bought from the bed/table linen section of thrift stores, and they had cost between $6 and $8 each.

I’ve only been sewing clothes since July this year, and consider myself still very much a novice. I AM definitely improving daily the more I practice. Just wait til you see my latest creations, I’m quite proud of them 😉.

Anyhow, I never realised just how big my fabric stash was, until I tried putting everything into the Peter Rabbit box. Talk about bulging at the seams! And, there’s Still fabric in plastic bags, stuffed underneath my printer table, and in a large plastic crate! Help, I’m a hoarder! 😄😄😄 

I can’t help it…if I find something I think I can use later, and I don’t buy it, I know someone else will and then I’ll forever regret not getting it. So, rather than agonise over that scenario, I buy it. I consider it an act of salvation 😆. 

I found these quotes on Pinterest and had to chuckle at them, because they describe me to a T right now. And yes, my “sewing room”, which really is just the dining room table and chairs, is overflowing with all kinds of fabric scraps and what a normal person might call Rubbish.

But then, I’m far from normal 😄.

WOMEN

This is for all the Women I have known, know and will know, who are battling their own insecurities, thinking themselves not worthy of a man’s love, worrying that they will never find the right person to settle down with, afraid of ending up alone.

You ARE worthy. You are More than worthy of a man’s love. Or a woman’s love. Or indeed the love of anyone on earth. You are loveable, in all your imperfect glory, with your lumps and bumps, wild flyaway hair, boobs big or nonexistent, hips wide as a door or narrow as a boy’s, legs up to here or only just to here. You are a mess, but you are a glorious mess. You are Woman.

You don’t need to find anyone to settle down with. Never settle for anything less than what you want. If you find yourself making excuses for someone, have the balls to walk away. They are Not what you want. If they were, you would not need to make excuses for them. You are strong. You are Woman. 

Never just settle for anyone just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. If you learn to love your own company, you may find that there really is no need to go looking for anyone else. Be strong. You are Woman.

We don’t need to be defined by Men. We don’t need to be someone’s Wife, Girlfriend or Partner, to have meaning. We don’t need to be someone’s Mother to have meaning. Find power in your own strength, in being your own unique self. Help your Sisters around the world find their own strength too. 

You are Woman. You are Awesome. Let no one tell you any different. Ever.

(Images sources from Pinterest).

Happy Endings

Just putting this on here (found on Pinterest), as a reminder to myself and my sisters in the world, lest we forget that we are Warrior Women, we are Strong, we are Awesome, and we don’t need a man to complete us. 

Yes, it would be nice to find someone to share silly giggles with, to plan a future with, to bounce ideas off. But if that never happens, don’t despair, my sisters. Because you really should take a good look in the mirror. And learn to love who you see there, and who is smiling back at you.

Because that person is the only person you really need. 

Fair/Not Fair?

What is fair? 

The person who fathered my child, who suddenly stopped paying child maintenance last November? Who then got subpoenaed to appear in a UK Family Court on 31st August…only to turn up and ask for an adjournment while he considers a paternity test, of all things?

Stalling tactics? Yes. The case is now to be heard in January 2017, by which time my son would not have had any financial support for 14 months. Is that fair? Is that how a father should treat his own flesh and blood? 

In the UK, my child maintenance is £200 a month. A MONTH. In Australia, for the last 6 years that we have been here, my ex-husband (we are married on paper only, have been since 2014, but try convincing the Australian authorities about that!!) has been paying child support for his own son…whom he hasn’t seen for 13 years. 

And whom the Australian Mafia I mean Child Support Agency, decided that he has to pay over $400 A WEEK for. It’s our second mortgage, that’s what it amounts to. And that’s why we are slowly but surely sinking into the ground, into that big gaping hole called Poverty or, worse yet, Bankruptcy. 

And now, just as he’s starting to breathe easier again, as his prison sentence I mean Child Support payments are about to end at last, the CSA have slapped him with a final figure that he has til June 2017 to pay off. 

$11000. Eleven THOUSAND dollars.

Is that fair? Is anything fair in this world that runs on Money? NO! 

True Friends … or just Convenient Friends?

Just sharing these, which are from Pinterest, and which I came across while researching my previous post about relatives vs friends.

Just as there are truly good blood relatives who genuinely care about you (I can count on 2 fingers the ones in my life, and unfortunately they are not my parents but my aunts), there are also true friends who will make the effort to keep in touch even while you’re apart. I have just one or two “old” friends who go back to my teenage years…we don’t communicate very often, but when we do, it’s like no time has gone by at all in between. 

So, choose your friends wisely. Some may seem genuine enough, but don’t gauge anyone by their words, just by their actions. After all, actions speak louder than words.

My People

Your people are not necessarily bound to you by blood or by the dictates of law. Sometimes, friends are there for you when the rest of your family don’t care about you. Sometimes, your family, for reasons known only to themselves, choose to sit by the sidelines and watch you crash and burn, snickering. Harsh? Yes…and also true.

I’m done knock knock knocking on doors, and having them slammed in my face, given the run around, or berated like a 10 year-old child. DONE. Sometimes, it’s good to be alone in this world. Some people you just have to keep at arm’s length and love from afar, for your own peace of mind and sanity.

Blood may be thicker than water, but, just like with neighbours, you can’t choose your relatives. Thankfully, you Can choose your friends  Some friendships are able to survive the test of time. Some friendships endure and flourish and get better with age. Some people come into your life for a season, or for a reason. And others stay the course. True friends like these are rarer than diamonds, so when you find one, hold on to them!

You don’t need a whole bunch of so-called friends. You just need a few real ones, the type that will stand by you and hold you up when you falter, the kind that never question you or belittle you, the ones that love you unconditionally no matter what you look like or even if you’re unemployed/unemployable. The ones who will love you unconditionally even when you’re not feeling so hot. 

Wait…I think I’m talking about Dogs. 

As for me and my so-called “blood family”…this about sums it up neatly:

 

Russell Brand 

Like him or hate him, there’s no mistaking Russell Brand‘s distinctive East End voice. And that’s a voice of reason in a world gone mad. Rather refreshing, really.

If you’ve never heard of Russell Brand, go look him up right now. He’ll blow your mind, in a no holds-barred, eye-watering way. That’s just how Russell rolls. 

Some can’t take Russell’s brand (see what I did there 😉) of humour or his Life Philosophy. But that’s okay. We will all wake up in our own time, some earlier than others. And if you choose to stay asleep the rest of your life, that’s fine too, and far safer than trying to bring a positive change to this twisted world of ours.

Here are just some Russell Brand quotes, curated from Pinterest. I hope you will learn a thing or two from them, or at least think long and hard about what he’s trying to say.

I am a Post-Consumerist

…as in, I no longer Consume indiscriminately, for the heck of it, or because Advertising makes things too attractive to say No to. No, I do not need a new iPhone 7, though I suspect I’m very much in the minority here. 

Yes, I’ve learnt my lesson. I used to buy Stuff because it was cool. I mean, everyone else was doing it too. I bought into The Consumerist Dream. I saved up for that holiday, and then spent the rest of the year paying back the credit card bill. I was a real sheeple and did not realise it until much, much later. It takes great misfortune and near bankruptcy for the scales to fall off one’s eyes. 

These days, I buy food to feed my fine furry, feathered and finned friends, because they can’t do it thrmselves. I don’t go on shopping sprees buying fashionable clothes – I simply don’t have the means. My clothes come from thrift stores, or I make them myself. I still have too many pairs of shoes that I don’t wear, a harkback to my days of wanton waste – those shoes will be rounded up soon and destined for the thrift stores for recycling. Yes, I still buy too many books and have not enough shelves. 

These days, I buy things that have the potential to be turned into other things, or which can be used in conjunction with others to produce something different and useful. I’ve learnt to be more discerning as a consumer, and hopefully more discerning about supporting the major conglomerates that control consumables. 

And here’s what I would like you to learn too:

We have been lied to all our lives. We are constantly being bombarded by images, products, stuff we Have to buy to make us thinner, prettier, fitter. Lies, all lies and meant to turn us into automatic consumers who literally BUY into the whole idea of Money making the world go round.

We have been brainwashed into forgetting our true Humanity. We have turned Money into our God and are so consumed by its pursuit that when we have no Money, we panic and start clutching at straws, like a drowning man. In Society’s eyes, No Money = No Status = No Voice. Nobody gives a shit what you think or say if you have no Money. But, if you have billions of $$$$$ then suddenly you’re a presidential candidate and people love you. 

Funny old world, this. 

Here are a couple of images showing just how screwed up our priorities are nowadays:

Still not convinced? 

Time and Money…

…are not real. People like to say Time IS Money. Well, as both are merely human constructs/inventions/concepts, we are deluding ourselves by placing so much emphasis on either or both.

Those so indoctrinated into following Society’s Rules about Time and Money will find it hard to believe that humankind can and has existed without regard for either. We like routine and order, so we calculate the seasons, the sunrises and sunsets that Mother Nature gifts us with, and call it Time. We divide it up into smaller and smaller measurements, because it lets us make sense of things. We place deadlines upon ourselves, we measure milestones by it, we charge Money for it. That’s how Time equates to Money.

It’s all a Big Game, really. Money – we invented it, and now we are slaves to it. But, Because we invented it, we can get rid of it. Empires won’t fall. People won’t die. Countries won’t falter. The only thing that will be different is that Humanity gets to assert itself, to demonstrate its true potential, to be liberated from those self-imposed chains. But, idealistic as that may sound, the Elite, those who REALLY control the masses, will not allow that to happen. Not without a fight, anyway. And so all that war-mongering and exploitation of people and countries will continue…as long as there are still people who are blind to the truth.

There is a saying: “The wiser you are, the crazier you sound”. Don’t mind me, I’m just a raving lunatic 😉!