30 Days of Gratitude: #8

#8: What book are you most grateful for?

2016 was quite a terrible year for me, and for countless others. In October 2015, the ex’s job in the mines up north ended, and it being close to Xmas and nobody was hiring then, we had no source of income. Because we were technically still a couple, and the ex had earned way over the income threshold in the last financial year, neither of us qualified for any social security benefits. 

Which really sucked. The only way we could survive was to use the remaining credit on our cards. And this being Australia, nothing is cheap, and soon we were up to the limits of our cards. 

In February 2016, I was lucky enough to be offered the job of Communications Officer at the dog shelter where I volunteered. A couple of weeks later, the ex managed to get a job locally, albeit one that paid half what he was used to earning. Meanwhile, the bills piled up and soon we were behind with our mortgage on the house.

Then the collections department of our banks started ringing us. At one point, their phone calls were averaging a staggering 15 a day for me. I never answered them, of course, what could I say to them – “The cheque’s in the post”??

The ex finally got a Part 9 Agreement, which consolidated most of our combined debts to a more manageable amount. A Part 9 is one step away from bankruptcy, by the way. It means his credit rating is affected and until he’s cleared all the debts under that agreement, which is in 5 years’ time, he won’t be able to get any other loans.

I wasn’t so lucky with my own credit card debt. We tried to add it to the Part 9, but as I wasn’t working again (having resigned from my Communications Officer post back in June due to being overworked and under-appreciated and not having even a single day off in the 115 days I worked straight through – which is probably illegal, but that’s a moot point now), the debt company said they couldn’t add my debt to the others. So the phone calls to my mobile phone from unidentified numbers just kept escalating.

I spent almost an entire year trying to get financial assistance from my own father. No, let me rephrase that: I WASTED almost an entire year trying to get financial assistance from my own father. I’ll be honest with you, my father had indeed in the past sent me funds when we were in need, but they always came with a caveat. This time, however, for reasons known only to himself, he decided to play a long, drawn out game of cat and mouse. He toyed with me mentally for months. I’d go 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. 

And the sad thing was, I was so desperate for money by then I honestly believed he would come through. The last straw, however, was when the ex put our house up for sale and I felt like my only option left was to move out on my own into a rental. 

The last time I turned to my father for help, I asked if he could send a lump sum so I could pay for a rental in advance and have some funds left over with which to plan my and Jack’s new life. After some grovelling and to-ing and fro-ing, he did send me some money, ostensibly for securing a rental (but which I couldn’t use for that purpose, as I had to also show ongoing affordability, and without a sizeable bank account, I couldn’t). I’m grateful for that money, for it saw us through Xmas. However, despite me asking him several times, my father still would not comment on my request for a lump sum. 

In the end, I decided that silence was an answer too. And I decided that I would no longer be a pawn in my father’s mind games. 

I decided I deserve better, I can do better, I am good enough and I don’t need anyone else’s approval to be the magnificent human being I was born to be. I refuse to continue living in fear, looking behind my shoulder, waiting for handouts, simpering and licking boots, playing mind games to satisfy someone’s sadistic streak.

So I cut ties with my own parents.

And a few days after that, I bought a book titled “The Universe Has Your Back“, by Gabrielle Bernstein. I started taking notes while reading it, then decided I wanted a journal or notebook to write my notes in. So I traipsed over to my local thriftstore to look for a journal or notebook.

And while in the thrift store perusing their used books, it so happened that one book in particular caught my eye. Quite literally so, as it appeared to leap off the shelf at me. 

That book was “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne. 

And that book has spurned me onto discovering more about the Law of Attraction, Manifestation, the Power of Intention, Gratitude and basically how to channel my thoughts towards a life of Abundance rather than Poverty.

I know now that my thoughts create my reality. Thoughts really do become things! Positive thinking and focussed visualisation can really manifest Abundance and Wealth. 

One thought on “30 Days of Gratitude: #8

  1. Lilac Girls is a story about three women and WWII. For me, it was inspirational and motivational to read about strength in the face of terrible adversity- I highly recommend it.

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